Tactical Intoxication Program: S4E03 “Legs”

Very little information is known about Ferdinand M. Kaufman. What we do know is that he was likely born in 1876 in the southern United States. At the age of 47, Mr. Kaufman submitted a patent to the U.S. Patent office which stated the following:

I Claim: A box formed from a blank substantially rectangular in outline and comprising a central portion having bottom-forming tabs projecting from one side thereof, and flaps projecting from the opposite side thereof, said flaps being of a length substantially equal to the corresponding transverse dimension of the box, one pair of flaps overlapping when the box is closed, and completely closing the upper end of the box, the remaining pair of flaps having hand admitting apertures, whereby the box may be carried by a hand of a carrier and said first named flaps held in closed position.

That is an incredibly boring thing to claim and also a severely difficult claim to understand. It all breaks down to this though: Ferdinand M. Kaufman made this claim while working for the Coca-Cola company in Atlanta, Georgia, and this claim gave them a patent on what is thought to be the first ever, six pack bottle holder.

BOOM.

::drops mic::

Though it is difficult to substantiate the claim, it is rumored that the reason that 6 was the number of choice for packaging bottles of soda, had less to do with the number of bottles, and more to do with the weight of the bottles, and what Coca-Cola felt the average housewife would feel comfortable carrying.

Ooooooooooh silly silly sexism.

Housewives aside, the next important development in U.S. Patent history worth noting is the fact that on November 4th of 1940, Harold E. Rue applied for a patent on “Carton Construction”. This patent was claimed on behalf of the Pabst Brewing Company and as best I can tell, was the first legal documentation of the modern day

SIX PACK OF BEER

Some people give credit to Ballantine Brewing Co. for inventing the six pack in 1938, but like an Arizona cop, I’ll believe it when I see the documents.

Every true Scotsman knows that if you’re gonna drink PBR, you drink it out of a Master Cylinder. (Frisky Dingo began airing October 2006 and by February 2007, PBR had filed for a trademark of The Master Cylinder. I’m just sayin’) However, Master Cylinders don’t come in six packs. Thusly, I must recommend that you buy tallboys instead. If you don’t have PBR available to you then get the largest volume six pack that is available. I wish I didn’t have to make that caveat, but apparently another thing about true Scotsmen is that they don’t have access to PBR. Go figure.

FOOD

Eat some pig. It doesn’t really matter what form it’s in. Make yourself a ham sandwich. Eat a pork chop. Cook all the eggs and bacon you have. Go nuts.

Oh, or tacos!!! Honestly, what could be better than six beers and six tacos? I’m glad I’m finishing this at 1:30am, when TacoBell is still open.

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