A few weeks ago, my hometown of Kansas City got pounded by a relatively large snow storm. It dropped at least a foot of snow in a matter of a few hours. The amount of snow wasn’t so problematic, because in Missouri 12 inches of snow really isn’t anything to fret over, the problem was the time frame that it hit. The snow didn’t start falling until around 11am, which means a lot of people had already completed their commute to work, and thus when the work day was over the streets were filled with people trying to get home, well before the snow crews had a chance to remove the accumulation. It was a bit of a clusterfuck. So I’m told. Of course, I wouldn’t know, because I’ve lived in Georgia for almost 10 years now and if we got 12 inches of snow at one time, the city would literally shut down for a week. It happened recently. We called it Hothlanta. Anywho, when this snow storm hit KC, I decided to taunt my northern brethren by going to Dairy Queen and ordering an Oreo Blast Blizzard and a bacon cheeseburger. Ya know, to show them that I was thinking about them in their tundra like conditions. I was in a t-shirt with my windows rolled down eating a frozen custard, while they were bundled up like eskimos trying to get feeling back in their face. That wasn’t nice and I apologize for it. No one should ever use the word ‘eskimo’. It’s a pejorative term and it’s insensitive to the Inuit and Yupik people of the northern-northern hemisphere…
…actually, that’s not entirely accurate. While it is true that some arctic dwellers find that term to be offensive, it’s actually the result of a mis-interpretation of the word. I’m not entirely sure how but at some point a few tribesmen of the Montagnais got confused as to what the origin of the word ‘eskimo’ was. They thought it meant “eaters of raw meat” insinuating that the ‘eskimo’ were savages who ate like wild animals. As it would turn out, this isn’t what that word translated to at all. Through some deep etymological homework, a man by the name of Ives Goddard was able to trace the word most likely back to the word ashkime meaning ‘snowshoe netter’. Which honestly, makes a lot more sense when you think about it.
Even though that’s the case, apparently a lot of eskimos still don’t like being called that because it’s associated with a stereotype of blubber eating, nose rubbing, igloo living hermits. But let’s be honest, is that not what they do up there? Seriously, if you don’t want to be stereotyped maybe you should have thought of that before you started harpooning whales in the -200º summer, to feed your 4 foot tall family. Go get a rug that isn’t made out of a dead bear and then call me with the phone that you don’t have because you’re an eskimo. Get over it.
Speaking of rugs, what do you guys think for my home office, berber or level loop? I was thinking level loop because it’ll be pretty high traffic, but then I thought, “berber does have a certain, I don’t know, panache to it in a pejorative contemporary kind of way.
Shit, I didn’t mean to say pejorative again, what I meant was decorative… wait, no, actually I did mean that. Apparently the term berber, when it comes to carpet styles, is in reference to the berber people of Northern Africa, who are well known for their beautiful carpets and rugs. The unfortunate part is that the word berber is not native to the indigenous people of Northern Africa who make beautiful carpets and rugs, it likely comes from the Arabic word ‘barbary’, which of course is the root of our modern word, ‘barbaric’. It is a term that was used first by the Roman and later by the Muslim settlers in the area. Not unlike the more recent Christian missionary efforts of the Americas in the 16th & 17th centuries, the North African ‘savages’ were converted from their native form of Animism to Islam beginning in the 7th century under the Umayyad Dynasty and progressing slowly onward over the next several centuries. These people prefer to not be called berber, and instead, refer to themselves as ‘Amazigh’ which translates to “noble” or “free people”, depending on who you ask. I don’t typically get political in this sub-reddit, but in 1967 there was a royal decree in Morocco that it would be illegal to sell alcohol to muslims. Considering that 98% of Morocco’s population is now muslim, this means that pretty much any store that sells alcohol in Morocco is either breaking the law or selling to foreigners. Considering that there is a large wine growing industry in Morocco that employs 10,000 workers and produces about 40 million liters of wine a year, 85% of which is consumed inside of Morocco…either there’s a whole lot of law breaking muslims or the tourism industry is really booming (hint: it isn’t).
While I know that this has been a long, hard process for what will be an entirely unsatisfying conclusion (said your mom, boosh) what I want you to know is this:
- Religious states are bad news.
- Because of this, it is hard to find a good drink in Morocco.
- That makes my job, and Adam Reed’s for that matter, more difficult.
- Be thankful for what you’ve got.
So, if you’ve made it this far, that brings us to this weeks TIP:
When you live in an oppressively dry religious state like Morocco (or Mississippi) you have to count your blessings when you find them and when you don’t live in a total shit hole, it’s easy to lose track of how good you have it. Even though this week doesn’t have a specific type of drink for you to make, it does offer this: Archer drinks beer this week and we must assume that it was local beer in Morocco of a variety that you can’t get unless you live there, so instead of that, you should drink beer from your area, that other people can’t get. Find a local micro brew or even visit a brew pub and ask them if they’ll put Archer up on the T.V. for ya and enjoy the luxury you have to get good beer any time you damn well please. Unless you’re watching Archer from Morocco of course, or Afghanistan, or Mississippi, or whatever, in which case I really don’t know why you’re watching cable TV to begin with. Go earn some money to feed the 12 children you probably have. Looking at you Biloxi.
Hash. Yep, break out the big bowl.
KOFTA. These actually look stupid delicious. I kind of want some right now.